The Essentials of Trust
By Arien Adora
There are many important factors to having a successful relationship, whether it is in the lifestyle or not. If you choose to live the life though, it is even more essential that three things be present. Those are honesty, communication and, above all else, trust. If trust is not there, then you will never be able to give yourself fully to another. Again, I speak from my own point of view as I attempt to share my lessons through my own journey. I was introduced to the lifestyle by a man that undoubtedly had my trust. There was a firm knowledge that he would never deliberately harm me, however the communication factor just was not there. Because of that, my fears were not expressed as they should have been… thus ending the relationship.
By time I chose to give myself in the second relationship I had learned a great deal about whom I was, and decided to push my own bounds. Therefore, the decision to serve a couple was made. To me, he was Master and she was Mistress. In their roles, with each another they would take on a more switch personality. Both of them were very communicative, however they lacked the trust that was needed within the relationship. It was not that they did not trust me, it was more that they did not trust one another with me. There was a lot more behind the story, but that is not the point I am attempting to achieve here. Fact of the matter is that though they communicated, they still lack the ability to have faith in each other. To know that they were secure within their relationship, and that the choice to have another join them would only enhance their pleasure.
I attempted to help them with their trusting emotions through assuring them I had no intention of disrupting their relationship with each other, but it still was not enough. Needless to say, I excused myself from that relationship. Though it did not work out, it still provided me with another valuable lesson for my own journey. If you do not take the time to express your thoughts and feelings, then it makes it difficult to be able to gain or hold the trust of another. Learning who I was, who I wanted to be, meant understanding my role within the lifestyle. It was important that communication always happen openly with whomever I choose to serve. I had to open myself to learning how to express my concerns, fears and desires. Though it has been a long road, there is still much more to learn, but what has been consistent is the fact that communication and trust are never vacant.
I have always been one to not only find new outlets to educate myself, but to pass on my own personal knowledge to others. Not too long ago I was speaking with a woman learning about the lifestyle for the first time. She asked me if it was possible to learn to trust someone if you felt there were red flags were being thrown. My response was easy. If there are red flags in your mind then perhaps more questions need to be asked. Safety is important and if you cannot trust another then how is that safe? To trust someone means you have no form of doubt looming in your mind. If you do, then you absolutely should not be participating in anything more than speaking. Either through communication you will find the answers you need, or you will find this simply is not the person for you. I believe that answer could be said to anyone in life really. Whether you are in the lifestyle or not.
In my mind it is definitely possible to be able to trust another with your life, but only if a great amount of communication has been done. It is also an important thing to take the time to think about what it is you seek within this lifestyle. What boundaries you are willing to push in order to learn and grow more as an individual. If the time is not taken to do that, then it is my opinion that no form of pleasure shall arise from the relationship. It will quickly become stale as one, or both participants might close themselves off to the possibilities of where their relationship could go. It is a sad thing indeed when one closes themselves off to the possibilities within this life. Keeping yourself open to new experiences are what I believe helps you live a better form of life, no matter what form is chosen to live.
So now, what does trust mean to me is the question at hand. It means having the ability to open your mind to the many possibilities within life, and this lifestyle. It means having enough faith in yourself to listen to your instincts, and asking the questions within your mind. It means taking the time to learn more about yourself, and your desires. It means knowing how to communicate with another to achieve nothing less than a more enlightened way of living. It quite simply means that you know how to love, appreciate and accept yourself fully, and that the one you choose to be with will do the same. To trust is never an easy task, but it is through the difficult journey that we learn how to live in a more open state of being.
Arien Adora is the kajira that understands the lifestyle and lives it to the fullest extent. I live for the outspoken word and the thought that shreds your soul.