Thoughts of Respect
by Arien Adora
People often have different view on what they might believe respect is, or when it should be shown. A lot of this may have to do with how someone is raised and taught. In other cases, it is how they choose to live their life regardless of upbringing. In my case, my father was a very dominant man who expected his daughters to show complete respect to everyone that crossed their path. He said the only time that should change, is when we were being disrespected by another. He was firm that you do not need to agree with everyone, or even agree to the way someone chooses to live. What you do have to do, is show the respect of their choices when you are in their presence.
Needless to say, this is something that has always stuck with me throughout my life. I was raised that if respect was not shown that I could be seen as a rude individual. That was completely unacceptable in my mind. I can honestly say that the lesson of respect that my father taught me valued me greatly when I was introduced, as well as learning to live the lifestyle. Perhaps a bit more of an explanation should be given to what I am saying. In the earlier part of my exploration of living the life, I had met a Dominant that wished for me to serve him. He believed that it was fine to treat a sub/slave as nothing more than carpet on the floor. In other words, he had no respect for the way I chose to live my life.
He stated, “It does not matter how respectful you think you are bitch. You will always be nothing more than the slut to serve me. Those choosing to be subservient are worthless when it comes to anything not involving housework or sucking my cock.”
Now I know that what I just wrote sounds extremely harsh to you. Let me just say that I have heard things along this line before, but it was said in a manner that I knew was meant to show a form of pleasure- a certain kind of kink that is thrown in occasionally to spark a moment of play. There are some cases that I enjoy that bit of humiliation play as, after all, I do consider myself to be a respectable slut. Meaning, I enjoy nasty talk taking place when it comes to pleasure. The difference is the fact that my humiliation choices in some cases were discussed before anything else. Whereas the gentleman that made the nasty statement above, did not give me the chance to voice my likes, limits or anything involving my service. Therefore, his words became disrespectful of whom I was, and the path I chose to live.
If you pay attention it is not hard to see who is sincere, and who is playing with their words. Even as I traveled the path of becoming a kajira, I found more people thinking less of me because of my life choices. Please allow me to say here and now that just because someone chooses to live their life in a subservient role does not mean they should be looked down upon. It takes a strong person to choose to live this form of life. Sadly, I found it to be even worse is when I started to become treated “less than” by others that lived as sub/slaves. Are you confused why someone else who lived as a subservient would look down on me? At first I was too and then it was explained to me.
In the role of kajira, (submissive in the Gorean lifestyle) you give up your ability to have limits. Thus, it can be a harder way of living as often you are expected to tend to everything, and everyone around you. It takes an extremely patient, as well as focused individual to live this form of lifestyle. It appeared that the ones that looked down on me were actually intimidated at the fact that I actually live the role I chose. They believed that I thought myself to be better, when in actuality, they simply could not accept their own choices in their life. Thus, looked somehow to find fault within my choices to help themselves feel better. For me, living the life of a kajira just seemed natural as I already lived this way in one form or another.
No matter what role you follow in life, or even outside the lifestyle, everyone deserves respect until given a solid reason why they should not be respected. Let me just give you an example of what I am talking about. One day while checking out at the grocery store, the lady ahead of me had her bag of artichokes get stuck on the end of the conveyer belt. I carefully unhooked them from the belt and helped them along their way. See she was not paying attention to anything that was going on around her.
As I moved them forward I caught her attention to which she asked, “What are you doing?” I responded that the bag got stuck on the end and was just helping them along. In which she rudely snubbed her nose to me and told the clerk to be “rid of them”.
I responded with “You know if you don’t smile more people might actually think you are a bitch.” She finished her transaction and left without a word. Once she was away from the check stand the clerk let out a heavy sigh, then a small giggle as she informed me that this woman acted like this way every day she came in the store. The woman did turn at one point and look back at us, but I am not sure if she heard the rest of the conversation or not. I will say the next time I saw that woman at the store she actually smiled at me. Now, I usually never make it a point to say such things to people, but sometimes it’s necessary to help another see how they are acting.
Life can be overwhelming and sometimes we tend to get caught up in our own perceptions. When we think we are being respectful, sometimes it comes off differently. I believe this is where communication comes in. I am a firm believer that if a person is expecting a certain form of treatment, when it comes to respect, then they should be prepared to give the same in return. I have met a few through my journey in the lifestyle that did not understand this point. As a sub/slave you are expected to show the Top/Dominant complete respect, but that does not mean that you should be disrespected in the process. With that being said, just because you deserve respect does not mean you should overstep your bounds and place yourself on the same level as a Dominant. This is nothing more than utter disrespect in my opinion.
It is fine to want and need respect, but it is not alright to act as though it is deserved if not returning it to another. I believe that statement falls in all categories and ways of life. Also, if you are being disrespected that does not mean that you cannot respond politely. The old age saying of, “Two wrongs does not make a right” applies here I believe.
So now I am sure you are wondering how does a sub/slave respond if a Dominant is showing disrespect. Of course, it depends on the situation. For instance, if I am involved in a conversation with someone and they take the conversation to either a place that is not acceptable for me to discuss, or if they begin to treat me in a rude manner then a simple statement should be applied.
If online my response would be, “My apologies Sir/Lady, but I am not appreciating the way in which you are speaking with me. Therefore, I am choosing not to participate in this conversation.” Then exit the conversation.
If in life my response would be, “Excuse me please, this is not the conversation for me to participate. Or say, I would prefer not to be spoken too in that manner.” Then quietly turn and walk away.
Recently I was asked a question, “Is it believed that I think a slave should be treated any better or less because of the chosen way of life.” The answer is simply no. Whether you are in the lifestyle or not, nobody should be treated any better or less for the way that they choose to live. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. It is unacceptable to believe that you are better than someone else because you have more money, or you have lived a certain way for years. The fact of the matter is, that we all have things to learn daily. We all deserve respect. I believe the journey of life can take us a great many places. It is with an open mind, an open heart, and the mutual respect showed to others that we are all capable of becoming better, as well as stronger, individuals.
Arien Adora is the kajira that understands the lifestyle and lives it to the fullest extent. I live for the outspoken word and the thought that shreds your soul.